| | SO.
it's okay for YOU to not do shit if you're "in a hurry" but when I'M in a hurry, i'm expected to do all the shit that you've left for me to do. I'm not allowed to use the same excuse, because oh what, you're the mom and i'm the kid so your words are law, making it okay for you to make all the fucking excuses in the world, and even though i'm just as human as you are, 'cause god you should know, you made me, i'm still not allowed to have the privilege of being excused bestowed upon me.
WELL, you should've made that clear the day i was born, save me from all the confusion you know, so i can find some OTHER loophole to back my way outta the shit that you love to throw all over me. baggage, is what i call it.
when i think about not having you around, i grow sad. it's the only part of me that i feel will always be human, no matter all the things that happen. but sometimes, more often than not, i feel like you weigh me down. you rarely make me laugh, i find it hard to be close to you, i can't be myself around you, and i'm constantly suffocated by the shadow you cast upon me. i have to live under this little shell so that i'd always be yours and for that you'd always be happy.
when one day i leave you before you're ready for me to leave, please understand that you helped push me away.
harsh my words may be, and perhaps ungrateful, for you've done just as much for me as all mothers in the world have willingly done for their children. and that i will never forget or take for granted. i'm just saying, sometimes i cannot breathe around you, and i find a billion ways to hide myself so i wouldn't have to deal with your criticism. i hate to think that that's the extent of our relationship, but often it feels that way.
but again this is a moment's feeling, it'll probably fade soon enough, but most definitely it'd return just as quickly.
it doesn't mean i resent you or love you less, it just means you're slowly and gradually killing my spirit without knowing it. and i will never tell you either, you'll either have to figure it out for yourself and change or keep being the way you are. despite all this i will still defend you when you're in need. you are much weaker in society than you are in a household. so whatever shit you're going through that's making you psychotic at home, i really truly hope you'll pull it together and get over it.
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| | Posted 6/10/2009 9:08 PM - 7 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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